Gratitude & Meditation

I'm so very thankful for my morning meditation sessions. I'm thankful and grateful for Andy and the Headspace app. I'm thankful for all of the teachers I've had in my life. I'm thankful I have followed through on many things I have started. What if I told the truth without fear of hurting anyone? That would make me careless. I can't just come out and say everything here as it's a public forum. There are people and organizations I would like to criticize but that would delete the purpose of a gratitude exercise wouldn't it. 

That said, I'm thankful for my mom and dad. I'm thankful for the concept of "church" and groups that form with the intention of helping mankind. I'm thankful for ill treatment I have received as it has mad me more aware and stronger. I'm thankful for my failures and shortcomings as they have made me realize how much I have to work on. I'm thankful for the mind and body granted to me by God in this life. I'm thankful for my business and all of the people who work and frequent there. 

I'm thankful for this iPad and for those who live their lives to inspire others. And lastly for today I'm thankful for completing this exercise before 5:40AM and intend to get to work on time.

Four Blogs 26/30

I know I need to keep blogging, writing, creating no matter what. The interesting part is the more I write the more I write! I need to find a way to keep everything organized and structured yet connected and streamlined. What I'm trying to say is this: I have multiple blogs I'm maintaining at the moment and I'm not sure how to make it all work...

1. Right now you are reading this blog: Target Creativity http://targetcreativity.blogspot.com/
2. There's also my fitness blog: http://www.atomictotalfitness.com/blog/ 
3. And my personal blog: http://www.adamshuty.com/targetcreativity/
4. Last there's a 4th blog that is secret and will be released later this year...

A little over a month ago I made the commitment to publish a blog post once a day for 30 days. I have definitely made the commitment to writing daily a reality. I didn't publish 30 posts in 30 days but I'm putting out more than ever. I enjoy it. It's therapeutic and helpful to me as an individual. That said, I'm realizing there are different platforms for each of my styles of writing and topics. 

I think this blog moving forward will be a daily testing ground. I'll publish here my behind the scenes ideas and brainstorming sessions. If I feel it's necessary or pertinent to my other interests and pursuits I'll publish on the respective platforms.

I want to be able to do a stream of consciousness blog here. That way I can be free and have fun will no concerns about the repercussions on my career. Who knows I may even publish this anonymously so I can air even more details about my life. If I choose to do that then I'll have to take down the links above. LOL.

For now this is the plan: 

• Continue to write every moment I am able. 
• Publish a book by November 2016
• Continue to populate the three blogs I have started with appropriate content on each platform.

Looking Back 25/30

Awareness is key to making changes in life. Our frustrations usually stem from our own shortcomings. If we can step back often enough we can start to get a clearer picture of what is happening around us. We can see what's coming form others and what's due to our own actions. Naturally we are drawn into stressful events and circumstances. We must not become trapped by them. We must learn from our experiences and continually come at the world with fresh eyes. Everything is different than it was yesterday. Everything is continually changing. The key, to guide yourself toward the state of better rather than worse.

In my travels I have studied many esoteric subjects and have come to realize that what worked for and was interesting to me is quite possibly of no interest or consequence to you. What IS of VALUE is the process I encountered on my path. I know there are many paths to self actualization, feelings of freedom, power, security, adventure, happiness etcetera. However as I look back I can see the major branches of the tree that has become my life. These notes and the amount of time I spent on each step are here in parentheses as a reference. I hope they are valuable to you.

1. Read books on subjects of your own interest (2-4 years)
2. Study with a master until you are ready to explore the subject on your own. (4 years)
3. Move away from home into an environment which supports your dreams and challenges your resolve.
4. Go for your goal completely. Cut the umbilical. Burn the boats. This took me some time as I continually second guessed myself and had to reevaluate if I was making the right choices for my life. You could do this in an instant and save yourself a lot of time. It's not as easy as it may sound though. (4 years)
5. If you succeed, continue on and set new bigger goals. If you fail, back off and try the next thing that interests you. Keep moving forward and look for other ways to attack you ultimate goal. (4 years)
6. I dumped everything I owned and all of my net worth into an entrepreneurial project bolstered by my passion and designed to shuttle my ambition. I.E. rather than going after a crazy big ridiculous goal I went after something closer to my accumulated skill set. Think island hopping in the South Pacific. I can't get the entire world to bend to my will at the snap of a finger but I can take control of one small area and then move on from there one step at a time. (started first corporation 2009.)
7. Out of sheer pure blinding desire to succeed I enrolled in every type of program I could find that would support my goals. I studied business, organization, logic, spirituality, etc. Be careful not to get stuck or diverted on any of these subjects too long. Just like step 2 above there will be an expiration date on how much you study. Eventually you should understand enough to go into action.  (5 years)
8. Persevere and burry any and all doubts. This is the part that really sucks but will actually be the most important step you take. Here is where you find out what you are really worth. In this step you must cut loose all attachments to anything that slows you down. Not sadly you will loose relationships with people who you thought were friends and in exchange you will gain something much more valuable - allies. 
9. Maybe one of the most beautiful parts about the above process is that it eventually loops back onto itself. I've found myself reading more again and revisiting helpful books from steps 1-7. You will see that your life amounts to something and at the same time be thankful there is so much more to experience.

Update All Social Media Profiles NOW! 24/30

Time to update everything! Can you believe it? It's time to update every single one of your communication platforms! ...and there was much rejoicing.

Yes, it is time to look at all of your social media and email and other communication platforms and update all of your photos, bios and other pertinent bits of information. Why? Because unless you are obsessive about keeping things current (which I am not and I'm guessing you aren't either) all of your photos and profiles are a mishmash of different photos you uploaded at some time or another.

So this means you have a different face or presentation on each one of the platforms. Which is fine! I know the popular opinion out there is that you should show a different side of yourself and communicate differently on each platform. This is all true, the format of each social media site suggests a different style of interaction.

So why go to the trouble to go through each one of them and update the profiles? I think there are many benefits to going through this process:

1. You get a chance to update all the passwords at the same time, thus improving security and minimizing your exposure to hacking.
2. You will be perceived as active on those sites (at least at the moment) and may be able to reconnect with the communities there. 
3. PRO TIP: Do not use the same photo for all of the sites. You are welcome to do so but I'd recommend being a little more creative than that. I may even do a small selfie photo shoot with different expressions and colored backgrounds. Each background can then mirror how I want my image to be presented on any given platform. For example, I have a Facebook page I manage called ATF Outdoor Adventures. It looks a little weak if my profile there has a picture of me inside at a desk.
4. By curating all of this content you are able to give a more consistent picture of yourself to the world. I believe what comes up today in the most basic internet search of a person has become not only a digital resume but a biography and even an epitaph.

So do this and have fun connecting with your the digital universe. Let me know how it goes!

You Cheesy Motorcycle Guys 23/30

I've got an old motorcycle helmet with the words speed and strength stenciled on the side in cheesy gothic print. As if riding a motorcycle isn't cool enough, you need to advertise your intentions while sitting at a stoplight or stuck in traffic. The helmet was not expensive. You have to pay extra to not look like a douche.

I guess speed and strength are admirable qualities. Characteristics the would be motorcycle rider would like to possess. Still they are just a minor part of an excellent rider's skill set. With my experience riding motorcycles I'd say awareness, patience and relaxation would make more desirable qualities. Speed plus strength on a motorcycle usually equals death.

Let's start a culture of patience where we can look for and find balance in our lives. As men we are still attempting to force ourselves into old stereotypes that no longer serve us. Speed is something for the racetrack and strength can be used in the gym, doing chores or in an emotional context to help your family and others. If you ride a motorcycle that's awesome but remember that you life matters and by thinking your helmet is cool when it's not cold be a fatal mistake. Pony up for the flat black and put a picture of you family on the inside.

Power 21/30

1. In popular fitness nomenclature Power is often defined as the ability of a muscular unit, or combination of muscular units, to apply maximum force in minimum time.
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3. At ATOMIC we define Power as the ability to produce an effect. We then break down and define all the words in this definition. First we have Ability, the state of being able, means having competence, skill, natural aptitude or acquired proficiency.  Next To Produce means to make, create or cause something to happen or come into existence. An Effect consists of any change resulting from a cause. Therefore we can define Power as having the competence, skill, natural aptitude or acquired proficiency required to make, create or cause a change or result.

Power is the ability to make something happen fast. This can be an inborn trait or a skill you learn over time. In weight training the faster we can get a weight off of the ground and over our head the more powerful we are. Moving more weight in the same amount of time would define an increase in power. Similarly moving the same initial amount of weight in less time would also indicate higher power output. 

Analogies can be drawn between physical and mental power. He or she who steps up to a weight and fearlessly moves it through the range of motion of a given exercise may not be considered powerful at first. However if this practice is kept up year in and year out eventually the performance becomes impressive. The person who stays focused and committed to their goal of developing high level fitness most likely stays committed to developing the rest of their life to a high level.

When you decide to do something make it happen quickly. Don't doddle but put ideas into effect right away. Don't spend two weeks thinking it over and getting up the courage to get started. Just as in strength training you pick up the weight, do the work of moving it for a few reps, then set it down. You don't stand there holding it for ten minutes before you move. Train with an emphasis on leaning power and you should find ways to apply the same lessons to all ares of life. Rather than sitting at your desk web surfing you will get things done. Instead of daydreaming you'll make your dreams a reality. 

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Time Is Not Lost 22/30

Some days I wake up very early, before the sun comes up and I go up on the roof of my building and just breathe and be alone in the city. I breathe in the entire experience. Before the horns start to sound and the people are up and around I find a quiet time to commune with what is now my home. It's always been there, quiet and innate, soft and infinite. As I have become more aware of the city at this hour I have come to realize I have been missing out on some excellent parts of life. I feel like some precious time has been wasted.

But it's ok to leave bits of ourselves behind whether material or emotional. I think we are often so concerned with and connected to our possessions we feel we must be responsible for everything we have come to own (time included). I find a lot of emotion tied up with food I have purchased and have been unable to consume before it went bad or expired. The feeling of wasting something seems abhorrent to me. But what is this other than some sort of reaction to other aspects of existence. (I need a reference here.) I'm sure you can think of similar situations where you felt as if something was wasted. It could have been time or money or some other resource. Doesn't this play out in all of our lives on some level every day? Aren't we all trying to make them most of what we have?

I know a man who by my estimation has wasted years of his life yet he exists and can not be said to be fully unhappy. From an outside observer's perspective this man may live a wretched and miserable existence. Who are we to say how this person feels? All we can do is focus on ourselves and try to make the most out of who we are and what our perspective can give to the world. If it matters to someone they will listen.

Iron Filings to a Magnet 20/30

Today you'll commit more than ever before. Get better at avoiding distractions and digging into your purpose full force. Let go of the disappointments of the past and cultivate the life you've always dreamed of.  Let's learn from not only our own experiences but from those around us. Study greatness and emulate its qualities in you own life. Go to bed early and get eight hours of sleep. Wake up with the sun after being informed and inspired by your dreams. 

Pause to breathe, evaluate and allow life to flow through you. Delve deeper into your interests. Keep reaching and experiencing. Take nothing for granted and appreciate every breath you breathe. Learn to look inward an learn about yourself. Take self care, introspection and self knowledge to levels of fulfillment so great you become a wellspring of hope, creativity, passion and generosity. 

There's a challenge right in front of you and it's the biggest, most important mission of your life. It's staring you right in the face. It's so close you could mistake it for a reflection in the mirror. The challenge is not you. The challenge is to find and confront those things separating you from your true self. 

You can know the true self or truth as it always tries to do right in every situation. A noble search will lead you to creativity and passion. On your journey anxiety melts away and you'll feel a flow or pull in the direction you are headed - like iron filings to a magnet. A million metaphors can be made about your truth but in the end only you will know. You and only you truly know and can feel it in your bones. 

No one can take this feeling from you or tell you what you should do with it. Again, only you know and the more you come to understand the less resistance and separation you will feel. Therefore, let resistance be your gauge or meter. Let what you resist or struggle with inform you. Don't quit, stay present, then confront it, explore it, dive into it and lastly consume it. Let resistance wash over and through you until it disappears. Eventually all that remains is you and the truth. 

Strength 19/30

Before I give you the formal dictionary definition of Strength I want to give you my definition. When I think of strength the first thing that comes to mind is steel. Steel is not found in nature rather it is a alloy made through a very specific process of fusing iron and carbon. Steel can bear weight, resists twisting or torsion forces, doesn't compress or deform easily. Basically for it's size, cost and internal composition it holds its shape remarkably well. 

In the most basic sense, to be strong or have strength would mean you can hold up a lot of weight. The Greek mythological figure of Atlas hold the world on his shoulders. Sometimes in life it may feel as if we have the world on our shoulders. That's why being physically strong is so important. When we practice strength by lifting weights we feel physically what it's like to hold up under a load. When it gets really challenging is when the form and technique matter the most. Just like in life when the stress seems like too much to bear we stick to our routine. We hold tight to what got us to where we are. We know what's true and can separate that from what's false.

It's like building a house or fortress. The better the materials and the more precise the construction the stronger the structure. I strongly encourage you to delve into strength training and all of its vast techniques and experiences. You will grow stronger in not only body but mind and spirit. Hone your style and technique. You may never become invincible but you will tap into a force that transcends the physical and gives you super powers. Ever heard of a guy named Super Man? I believe they also called him the man of steel.

Keep it moving 18/30

I'm trying to continue on and follow through with what I have started. Having committed to 30 days of continuous blogging I'm starting to feel tired. This is to be expected I suppose. Passing the point of excitement now the real work begins.

This work should live on a website dedicated to sharing art and insight. How big can I make it? How big does it have to be to fulfill my needs. I'm resistive to bugging people. I'm resistive to being told what to do. So it therefor makes it hard for me to do those things and maybe I don't have to.

Maybe this site will evolve into something cool. Something collaborative. Something greater than the sum of the contributors. Products and services will be found here. I think T-shirts aren't a dumb thing to sell but it has to be done right.

Here's how my day has gone so far:
1.) Woke up to the sun with my sunlight alarm clock
2.) Drank a large glass of water with apple cider vinegar
3.) Meditated on Resistance & Acceptance for 20 minutes
4.) Wrote down my thoughts (here)

Next I need to put some clothes on, brush my teeth, wash my face and get to work.

Today I'd like to accomplish:
1.) Two videos on Earth science from my Courcera course
2.) Call one competitor gym and set a time to stop by
3.) Write my book for 40 minutes uninterrupted
4.) Bench press, bent over row, battle ropes, burpees and rowing machine.

This week I have to:
1.) Tax stuff - ugh I hate this...
2.) Meet with biz partners. This is cool, looking forward to it. Just don't want to put it off further.

Tomorrow Starts Now 17/30

Did you ever wish you could have a do over in life? It usually happens on a Monday when you forget your wallet or your phone on the kitchen counter. If only you had gotten up ten minutes earlier. If only you had been slightly more awake and excited to attack the day. Then you wouldn't have groggily rushed and screwed up your whole morning or day.

I noticed a bunch of people experience this today. Maybe it's an astrological thing, I really wouldn't know, I don't follow or place much importance in that stuff. Still today I know of three people who had issues with their keys; one needed to make new ones, one person took their boyfriends keys (and they don't live together) and a third had to go home to get the second set of keys to their car because their lease was up and they were returning it to the dealership today. Additionally, I had a person cancel an appointment with me today who broke a glass in their kitchen and said they weren't able to make it because there was "glass and supplements" everywhere. Can someone give us a do over?

That's why I live by a simple mantra before I leave the home. "Wallet. Keys. Phone." With those three things I can't be stranded in this modern era. With enough money in my account I suppose I could travel the world with little else. Maybe then I would need wallet, keys, phone and charger but that would be it.

Even though I didn't forget anything today I'm sure I did something wrong. I'm not sure what it is but I wish I could have done better. I want tomorrow to feel the way it's supposed to feel when I'm cranking on all cylinders. Wake, meditate, coffee, write, get to work on time, train a bunch of clients, have a good breakfast, train more clients, study something new, etcetera. I know I can have a great day tomorrow. I'm deciding so now and I'm going to go the extra mile to make sure it happens. Tomorrow starts now.

Attempted Something 16/30

Sometimes I wish I could restart the day even just as it is beginning. As if with some higher level of awareness I would be able to execute everything that much more efficiently. Unfortunately the only way to do that is to go through the whole day and start over next morning.

I'm fighting the resistance. The resistance inside of me that causes friction with reality. I'm seeing this friction manifest itself in many ways. Resistance to how loud some guy is blasting his speakers as he drives by (or to the sirens of police, fire, ambulance, secret service, etcetera). Resistance to the aging of my self and those who I care about. Resistance to the changes in life like starting a family while saving enough money for the future.

With regards to the noise on the streets of New York I've got a couple of solutions. One would be to be a total dork and wear ear plugs. Being a total dork is not an option so that's not really an option. Besides everyone in New York who wears ear plugs seems like they are more resistive to the environment than accepting of it. They aren't that common but they are usually crammed into a subway seat angrily reading the New York Post or Village Voice or Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto.

I added back into my morning routine Bulletproof Coffee. Se recipe below.

Bulletproof Coffee Recipe:
2 Long Pulls of Espresso
1 Tablespoon of Ghee
1 Tablespoon of Coconut Oil

Mix all together and blend in blender for 5-10 seconds. Serve hot.

Neville Island 15/30

The importance of generosity has come to my attention. This includes generosity toward others as well as myself. Succinctly put, if you can't give to yourself you'll never truly give to others. Anyway I'm trying to discover any thing or experience I wanted in life but was unable to have. If I missed anything I would want to try to create that for myself. You know, be generous to little old me. At 38 I feel pretty lucky. I have lived a full life. The things I keep thinking about that I would like to give to myself are actual memories at this point. Not to imply I'm done living or there are no new experiences to have. Rather when I think about what I need or would like to experience, my mind tends to go to times when I was a kid. It was during those times I genuinely longed for experiences.

I was a kid on Neville Island, cloaked in cloud cover trapped between the west side of the Allegheny mountains and the low pressure systems coming off of Lake Erie. The second most cloudy city in the country just behind Seattle I once heard. I remember cool and damp fall days when I could sneak around trailer parks and abandoned industrial sites with new acquaintances before my parents returned from work. It's difficult to explain but low level fear, anxiety and depression hung inside each of us much like the cloud cover over the tristate area. I still have those feelings now when I return to these places in time. The feelings are comforting now, like a silent old friend.

There were bridges, piles of sand, gravel, dirt and broken concrete. The Pittsburgh of my childhood gave the feeling that a lot was happening there but somehow always behind the closed doors of a decaying factory or warehouse. Not a ghost town by any means but almost as if every thing and every one was slightly intoxicated and going through the motions. It was evident we we in a post golden age, the land scorched, stained, wild, apocalyptic.

Invasive vegetation grew up around the unused industrial sites in prehistoric proportions. The world was ours to transform within the boundaries of barbed wire fences and interstate off ramps. We built shacks for privacy, independence and entertainment. We threw rocks and broke glass, we fished and built rafts, we hung rope swings and all drank sweet tea out of the same shared carton.

When I try to imagine what it would be like to give myself everything I always wanted it would look exactly like my childhood on Neville Island in Pennsylvania.

Amniocentesis 14/30

The fire burns inside all of us. Even when nearly extinguished there always exists one spark that can be nurtured back into a raging inferno. I'm still reeling from the news that my unborn son's life may be in jeopardy. My wife and I were flying high, riding the wave of good news and fortune that seems to arise in the wake of a happy courtship, wedding and first year of marriage. Additionally we didn't have much difficulty getting pregnant. We were following our doctors advice and doing the diligent testing at each step of pregnancy. When a genetic test came back informing us that my wife was a carrier of a rare disease the next step was of course for me to get tested as well. 

Mind you I wasn't expecting to come back with some sort of perfectly clean genetic report card. My arms are long enough for a man at least a foot taller than me. I'm pretty sure I'm dyslexic based on how many spelling errors I have while typing this. My sister recently underwent prenatal genetic screening and informed me I was a potential carrier for cystic fibrosis. Basically I expected my genes to come back and have them say it's a miracle you are alive, looks like you are mostly human with a hodgepodge of chimpanzee DNA spliced in all of the gaps. Never in my wildest dreams would I expect my results to come back positive for the exact same thing as my wife!

We were shocked. It was like being slapped in the face and punched in the stomach at the same time. That was two days ago. I have prayed and meditated and slept since then. Additionally this morning we were seen by one of the top genetic doctors in NYC. He performed an Amniocentesis and sent the samples off to be analyzed. At this moment I feel as good as I can under the circumstances. Everything that could be done has been done. Now we have to wait 3 weeks for the results to come back. The only thing we can focus on between then and now is that there is a 75% chance that everything is ok. 

My Prayer 13/30

How fast the thoughts of man run through his universe. From past to present to future in an instant. Covering childhood, analyzing work and relationships, formulating the future. In this moment, here and now expanding infinitely into the future, I pray. I humble myself before the hugeness of existence and experience. Electricity flows through me igniting my vestal and I place a future out there for me and my family. I hope and bend and allow these words to flow through me. Thousands of years manifest in this moment. Genetic lines woven together, beings finding each other in the darkness. A boat on the water with no sail, moved only by the current and witnessed only by moonlight. There up ahead the paths converge. Smaller tributaries join a larger river like capillaries and I give myself over to the flood.

Action 12/30

Expanding the lungs and breathing deep. The practice of life since ancient times. Concerned where we are heading as a race we stand on the precipice of a new era. Technology once used only for improved methods of death and destruction now stands a chance at uniting all of our lives. Jobs will be lost and people will become confused. It may appear there is nothing to do with our time. Distractions and addictions will gain traction as the noise and static increases in volume. We must now individually sit and quiet ourselves and prepare for the coming of the next change.

The climate has shifted and our resources must be conserved. We need intelligent, right minded students of life to pursue lines leading to our salvation. Yes both physically and spiritually. It's easy to conceive of a planet's death or at least physical collapse. Our organism has learned much and survives well in parts while suffers in others. Looking at all life on this planet as a phalanx, many lines in our ranks are damaged, eroded, deformed and scorched.  Only with our conscious effort can we till life back into these strata.

We have the ability to genetically rewire our species as well as the others but can we play creator again before it's too late? I heard once, when you stop doing evil good does itself. What's evil should be obvious to you just as it's obvious to me. Still we see different targets as we are fractured pieces of each other. So look and find what you can see and breathe into it until it disappears and reshapes into what you intended in the first place. Only in silence can we have the noise. Only in pausing can we take action.

Evil Forces at Work 11/30

There is an evil out there cloaked in deception and mystery. Cultish and clandestine, it will present it self in many forms and with many heads. It's goal to attach a tentacle onto you and slowly pull you in where it can attach more and more until you are absorbed into it and then become part of it. You yourself will no longer have autonomy or free will. From that point further you will operate as a tentacle yourself attempting to find others whom you can lure down the sordid path you were duped into following. By the time you notice you are in trouble it's too late.

The sad thing is you will be seduced and tempted by offers of great power. These powers are actually innate and native to yourself and you can uncover them on your own if you choose to genuinely search for them. Even now I'm recovering from an encounter I had with the beast. I'm realizing I need to dig up and unearth more power for myself if I am to continue to withstand other attacks that will inevitably come in the future.

The scary thing is they mask their intentions behind the concept of help. They will talk to you until they get agreement on the above point, help. No right minded person can argue that help is bad or unnecessary in this world. Once they have some agreement the first of the suckers have attached. What's so gross about this is that we all need help and we need each other in this scary world. But help with the intention to take you over and dominate you thoughts for the rest of your life is evil, true mind control and a form of slavery.

Ironically what you hope to gain (freedom) you give up when you become a member of cult claiming to be a church.

Milk Man 11/30

I've got my twentieth high school reunion coming up. That's kind of wild. Here we have the perfect example of time passing and us as human beings not having any awareness of it happening. Right?! I mean life just keeps happening to us in present time. In present time no time has passed. We are always right here in the moment but damn we were kids once. "It seems like yesterday I was your age" we always heard the old folks say.

My grandmother had a metal cooler outside on her steps for the milk man to deliver fresh whole milk. I don't remember the milk man coming and I think he may have stopped even before I was born. Still when I was a kid I could picture some scene from the 1950s where a big truck with round fenders and white wall tires would drive up at the crack of dawn. Some slim man in a white uniform and hat would hop out, open the thin lid and place the fresh cold milk in the cooler.

It's a simple metaphor and (jokes aside about what else this guys job may be to deliver), like the mailman is giving the customer what they need and want. It's a generous service in that the full need is supplied. People needed and wanted fresh milk. It was delivered to them straight from the source every day. Jobs evolve, peoples needs change, the costs to deliver can increase or decrease, products can become obsolete. Whatever happened to the milk man? Well he's a thing of the past just like the steelworker, miner and the farmer.

Sure people still make steel, mine and grow crops but now much much more is produced by machine than the actual hand of man. We can have milk delivered to our door but it may soon come by drone. A lot changes in one lifetime. So I hope to connect with my old high school classmates. We were the first ones to take computers to college. Now we take them everywhere. These laptops in our pockets give so much to us now but at some point they will have to become obsolete. Our kids will say, "You used to carry your phone?! You mean like in your pocket?!" How can I invent the next thing that generously gives as much as the milk man or cellular phone?

Mark Cuban Says Know Your Industry and Follow Through 10/30

Just need to jump right in and run with it. New world, new era, new ideas. Even though this digital way of life has existed for nearly twenty years now for me it's finally sinking in.  Mass communication. I need to learn how to use social media and other platforms more effectively. I need to up my communication with other competitor brands and make them into allies. Our world is so connected it seems strange that we have to try to hide from competition or pretend like it doesn't exist. What if there was reciprocity between fitness facilities? Wouldn't that suggest price stabilization. Is there an app for that?

My mind is racing to piece answers together. We all know we need exercise, it's benefits and advantages. As an owner of a fitness company I would think it would be an easy sell. It seems to me there are way more out of shape people with the income to afford it than there are training clients. I would argue that the hardest part about running my business is getting new people through the door.

I think it's all about communication and perception. If I can communicate the truth about personal training then it should benefit the entire industry. I think that rather than try to build up my brand I should try to build the brand concept of personal training. It's the partnership and accountability that makes it work. There are few people who can get themselves out of bed to exercise by themselves every day for years and years. Just go to any gym and see how busy they are year round.

As of now my idea is such: go and visit other gyms in NYC. Talk to the owners and find out their needs. Then see if there exists any opportunity. Finally develop products and services designed to solve the problems and fill the needs. I've got to have the guts to follow through on what I have discovered and now know needs to be done.

Beach Day 9/30

Going to shoot this out there and then possibly update it throughout the day. Headed to the beach today as it is important to give yourself and family time to play and relax. I know if I don't start to chill out more I'm going to burnout. Actually I'm struggling with a little burn out now - more on that later.

My goal for today, besides chilling is to get this post up. Shoot a video on the beach. Get some exercise in and limit my carbohydrate intake. I know that to truly relax I shouldn't put too many parameters, to-do's or expectations on my day but such is life in my head.

I think I'm going to resolve to just chill and enjoy time with my wife and friends and see what happens. On the back burner are my goals and ambitions for the day. If given enough space and time to relax I'm sure I can approach these things with a sense of play.

Truth Can Be Found 8/30

The night sky envelops the earth in the absence of the sun. The light from countless stars who continually shine on the entire universe become visible. Yet these stars are always there and always shining. They give off light wether we observe them or not. Much like the soul, it's vastness is there wether we observe it or not. Are we not mirrors for the universe, each of us our own universe to explore? This thought has come up many times in the past but not been so clear to me. What like the sun or clouds blinds us from what is always there? Over the years I have explored many different disciplines and styles of spirituality designed in one way or another to clear away those obstructions between reality and our soul. All I can say at this point that I feel has value is this: You must search and seek relentlessly until the truth is laid bare.

Generosity 7/30

What can I tell you? I'm currently doing a 30 day meditation on generosity. Yup it's something I think I need to work on. The first thing to do is develop the ability to be generous with yourself. Basically learn to give yourself what you need and then that will eventually spill over to others. I think that's great and true and will probably happen. The simple act of engaging in twenty minutes of quiet reflection each day has been shown to offer great benefits. By placing a focus on one aspect of life (be more generous) undoubtedly the mind incorporates and filters accordingly. Thus we get what we focus on.

We all have our lenses we look through when perceiving reality. I know I'm good at perceiving myself as an all knowing master of the universe and will go out of my way to avoid situations which would indicate otherwise. In this way I can maintain some level of self respect and self esteem.

But this is what it's all about, right? We have placed ourselves here in the lives we have chosen to have the experience we need to evolve. The Earth and life on this planet are an interesting experiment WE all put into motion some billions of years ago.

It's as if out of nothingness there came a thought - our thought. That thought changed the nothingness into a dualism, a polarity. At that moment the universe began. Boom. That's how big and powerful thought is. This entire universe is thought. So now as humans, manifestations of evolution able to contemplate existence, our thought, collectively, beneath the surface is the understanding that we are each a manifestation of that beginning. Our planet like a hive is swarming with consciousness, a consciousness that has always been there and which exists everywhere unseen. Kinda like "the Force".

Out of infinite nothingness (contemplate that for a moment - infinite nothingness... woah.) a thought occurs. Almost like waking up in the morning. We wake up from what? Where were we while we were sleeping? No one knows for sure but we are there in the void, somehow existing here but still part of this infinite, uncontactable, zero. We all play out this drama every day but without reflection or awareness of the fact. Therefor sadly our thoughts are mundane and rarely of our own imagination or volition. We have thoughts of fleeting wants and desires but they are all tied to this world.

We must each investigate and find for ourselves a way out of the sleep state and fully wake up each day. Meditation and this blog have been mine as of late. I am building my own process of enlightenment. I would encourage you to do the same. Study every world religion, leave no stone unturned. There are answers out there and we must each find our own while at the same time binding together to build a better world here and now. This is what we have come to learn. This is why we are here. Eventually we won't be. None of us. Eventually our sun will burn out or some other event will occur that will exterminate al life on this planet. What will we have learned by then?

Life is a Mystery 6/30

When I look around I'm surprised to see all the things I have created. Literally everything in my environment I have put there. Even New York City I put there in a sense. Yes I put NYC right in front of me by moving here in 2002. I made the conscious choice to be in this environment. It's so interesting how we can come to resent the people, places and things we have created. Things we decided we wanted. It's amazing to hear people who chose to move to New York complain about New York. It's just as easy to move somewhere else and have a totally different environment and circumstances to deal with. You don't like the people, traffic and garbage - leave you powerful creative beings...

I suppose we become tired with certain situations and desire change. When the change doesn't come we feel stuck. Next the stuckness leads to resentment. Still I think to often we throw in the towel and submit to apathy about the whole thing. Why not work and fight to transcend the circumstances we face if even only in a small way. It could start with a deep breath or a moment of reflection and grow into some small action and then full fledged passion for transformation.

Now I'm fanning those embers to turn them into flames. I want the next level (and maybe I'm there now, but I want to secure my position). It's understandable, I may be late to the party and if so then I'd like to arrive fashionably late. Writing as a will to power? I don't think so. Rather this work is supposed to free me up to get to the root of myself and my truth. Why did I come here and work so hard for so long? Why did I give myself all of these tools? Lastly if I can't figure out why, then I'd like to at least make the most of what I have got left.

Here I am in NYC, owner of a business, with a unique viewpoint. There's got to be some value in sharing how this happened - even if only to understand more about the whole thing myself. Thankfully between birth and death we have a few brief moments to reflect on how much mystery and grace we participate in every day. By probing into my experience I hope to produce something authentic and genuine.

Growth, Just Let it Happen 5/30

I want growth: Personally, professionally, financially and spiritually.

Personally I'd like to feel more and more grounded, confident and knowledgable. This sense, state or feeling should arise from me doing more of what I need for me. Research, writing, reflection, staying focused, avoiding distractions, finishing one task at a time, meditating, relaxing, sharing and becoming more generous.

Professionally I need to get out there and share what we are doing well. We need to grow as a team and continually prove what we are capable of accomplishing together. The core values would be leadership, communication, social sharing, networking. Also within the professional category would be my role as a thought leader and speaker. I'd love to connect with other fitness professionals, entrepreneurs, young professionals, dreamers and creatives. It would be a dream to teach to them and speak about my successes and failures.

Financially currently we have enough but much more is needed to thrive into the future. I'll need to provide more and more for my family and business associates. I believe my financial future is tied to my ability to be generous. I think I have a low volume setting in this category sometimes. If I can learn to give more and flow out more I should find ways to further thrive financially.

Last but not least, I need to grow more spiritually. By relaxing into the present, letting go of the past, and allowing the future to arrive one moment at a time I can have all of the above. Spiritual growth comes from wholeheartedly going after every one of the points mentioned above while simultaneously maintaining perspective. It will all happen in it's own time I just need to get out of my own way and let it.

Communication, Drugs & Rock and Roll 4/30

Communication is key as they say and I'm so interested in life these days. I believe it's because I've allowed myself to become curious and investigative again. There are so many things I'm passionate about and would like to accomplish. Communication is key because without the support of others around you it will be very difficult to accomplish what you target.

A few weeks ago I decided to write a book on health, fitness and personal transformation. I now know that what I actually set out to do was communicate and share my experience. Basically let you in on how the process of investigating and writing a self help book is changing me - hopefully for the better.

There are infinite planes of human development and experience and over the years I have delved deep into many. However we must be earnest in our attempts to achieve and experience higher and higher states. If not it's as if we are playing a perpetual game of shoots and ladders. Learn something cool then slip back into old destructive patterns of behavior. I'm finally transcending these old patterns now.

Early in life I overindulged in the pleasures of the physical world - sex, drugs and rock & roll. Woo hoo. The lifestyle is marketed as "cool" and can be fun for a brief moment. Eventually proving itself entirely unrealistic, unsustainable and downright gross. During this party phase I began studying martial arts, meditation, spirituality and yoga. The more I practiced the arts the more I began to turn from chemical induced pleasure to those chemicals that could be produced naturally by the body. Classic exchange of one addiction for another. The feelings I decidedly stopped getting from drugs I was able to create with exercise, the adrenaline of a runner's high, lifting more or sprinting faster. That's bad right?

It depends. I think that rather than replacing addictions we simply evolve into higher levels of sensitivity. It's like being a sommelier. At first we have no pallet for the experience of life then after we have tasted some good and bad we then know the difference between the too. What I think we need to do is not cast out our old ways for fear of them defining us. Rather we should refine our urges and sublimate them into higher states of consciousness. A sommelier doesn't give up wine once she has tasted the best in the world. No she develops her pallet further to be able to differentiate between good and bad. Ultimately we would assume she would then choose something interesting to suit her own tastes.

So rather than get caught up in throwing out the bad to preserve the good I think we need to retain the appearance of being "cool" and or "normal" as we evolve least we alienate those who love and care for us. Don't become some weirdo extremist. Practice daily to separate yourself from the junk of life but then connect and hang with those around you. That way you are sharing the good stuff you have learned without becoming preachy. Simultaneously you test what you have learned and see how you hold up under the challenges of real life. Have a good glass of wine or two with a friend - don't have 6.

There is definitely more to be said here. Maybe some day I will give up all methods of intoxication. For now I'm going togo out and get some exercise. Afterwords I may or may not have a big delicious beer.

Beach Beeotch! 3/30

Went to the beach today. Worked the whole day fixing up our rental cabin there. When I got home and said to my wife, "I'm going to meditate now and do some writing" she gave me grief. "Ugh why do you want to do that," she complained.

Well it's tough and too bad. Because I'm here to stick to my guns and follow through on what I said I would do. I know who I am now and who I want to become. I've backed down and readjusted and honed and restarted and failed and restarted one thousand times. Now I'm simply not fucking backing down.* I know what needs to be done and I go and do it. I don't back down even when I'm beaten, intimidated and confused. I get back up and put thought into action.

Today I got up at 7:30AM - on Saturday. Tried to catch the cross town bus to 11th avenue but it never came. Found out the MTA was on a holiday schedule. So I hopped a cab to the BMW dealership where my vehicle was being serviced. The only reason it went in was because it (the vehicle) sent and email to BMW saying that it needed to be serviced. I pick the car up. Drive home and load it up for the beach. Then drive to my business to pick up tools and a refrigerator. Then my wife and I drive to the beach. However on the way there we stop at Home Depot and buy some particle board to put down on the floor of our cabin. Gittin' shit done!

We then drive to the beach club and I set to go to work. I cut and laid down particle board sub-flooring then put down linoleum tile on top. Spent maybe six hours working on my hands and knees today. My back hurts. Didn't go to the beach at all. Still, I'm having fun the whole time, drinking beers and enjoying the day! After I drive home and we take a taxi back to our apartment the time is 10:00PM. Tomorrow we have plans with the family.

So I just got in 10 minutes of meditation and wrote this blog to publish. I did my duty for today. I'm chalking it up as a win.

*That's actually how I have rolled for some time now. I made up my mind to go to Alaska and work for the summer back in 1998 and I've never looked back. Still shit gets real every now and again.

My Experiment Continues 2/30

I haven't been able to wrap my mind around it until now. It seems illusive and difficult to nail down as to how and why we are supposed to use these digital-social platforms. I now know (for me) the purpose is to include the world in my own exploration. "The world" is used loosely as no one is reading this right now. However there is power in allowing yourself to be viewed as you go through a process of transformation. There's a key component of accountability. I also think some healthy social restraint is placed on me as the writer. This means rather than say "fuck" one thousand times, I actually consider the words I'm using before I hit the button to publish.

I could scream and YELL but that's not how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm carefully watching myself, showing up and putting the words on the page. It's liberating to know at the time of this writing very, very few are reading this. I have known for some years the importance of finding the feelings I am now uncovering. My tendency has been to bury them once uncovered usually with drugs and alcohol.

I have put myself through detoxification programs on three separate occasions only to come away feeling like I never needed them in the first place. You see the problem is not with the drugs, alcohol or even prescribed medications. The problem is the fear within my soul to connect with others and to maintain that connection. What I have yearned for in those weaker moments was the escape into myself that I am now finding. The bizarre thing is that that freedom and escape into the self is something happening by laying my inner world bare for others to potentially see.

Day 1 of more

I'm going to blog every day for the next 30 days. That may be a lie as there is a possibility that I may not get to it every day. Watch and learn for yourself how full of shit I am! There's a lot right and wrong with the world. One of the right things is that this platform exists. I'd like to share more right stuff with you. I know about health and fitness and goal setting. I know about jumping into the deep end and being blessed by the process. I'll tell you to fuck the status quo only to caution you about burning bridges.

Today I'm on a commercial shoot for a company called Viacore. They save umbilical cord blood to help with the future health of your child. Not sure how it works but definitely interesting. Product details aside the cool thing is I'm on a shoot. I got hired. Today I'm a working actor. There are plenty of people with more talent than me that don't work as much as I do. There are plenty of people with less talent who do way more than I do. My point is that after 14 years in New York City I'm still at it.

I've found a niche, albeit a small one. I'm not finished exploiting and exploring it. Where did this career come from? How did I get here? This is all valuable information. Have I got your attention yet? Well it doesn't really matter because for me this is an experiment. Just like any practice that I have engaged in in the past I'm seeking to be changed by the process. I'm happy to share everything I have learned with you. However my sincere hope is that together we can move the needle.

As I've hinted at I've done a lot of stuff and been pretty lucky with how things have turned hot. Maybe because I first started down the dark side I now appreciate the more banal yet pleasant and pleasing light. Now I'm throwing down the gauntlet for myself. I know I need to put out content and I want it to be of value to you. I think I struggled with the format and presentation for some time and now I understand how to do it continually and at a quality level I'm happy with. So here's the deal: I'm going to blog here every day for a month. I'm going to upload support videos to YouTube - yup one every day to accompany the blog. All the while I'll be working on my book and building my business.

Welcome to my world I look forward to learning more about yours. Let's do something cool together.

Fuckin' Crush It

OK so I'm going to crush 30 minutes by writing in my blog. My goal is to put this stuff (my thoughts) down stream of consciousness with little to no editing.  Well you'll never know as I'll be the one who decides when I hit the publish button (some editing included). There are a few things playing on my conscious mind at the moment.  The one that stands out is balance. Balance of all the factors in life. By balance I really mean that there are all these competing forces and I'm attempting to keep each of them from crashing down on me and destroying the little bit of pleasure I get from having freedom to think. All the stuff that I'm responsible for has the propensity for making me happy or miserable. With the right amount of guidance, effort and ability to let go of control I can stay ahead of the game.

So I've got all of these elements in my life I have to keep happy - spinning plates. I'm pretty sure everyone has to deal with this shit. I have a job, wife, family and friends. If you don't have these elements in your life I'm sure you are filling you time with equally demanding things. Christ, I play this game on my phone called Clash of Clans and even the 12 year olds on there get pissed off at me. Which is fine! I'm totally cool with it. They have their priorities and things like creating unified attacks toward rival clans are very real and important to them.

Over the years I've gotten my act together and now I'm trying to keep it that way. It's like being perpetually in high school. There are rules and laws and freedoms and restrictions. Adult life is pretty awesome actually. Best part is I still feel like a kid searching for relevance in a word that seems to be speeding of at an incomprehensible pace. I hope capturing some of my thoughts here results in a tiny act of rebellion. I desire the ability to renounce compliance while at the same time investigating new realms of existence scientifically.

Have friends still laying their souls out there on stage; musicians, stand up comics, real artists. I can't begin to express my respect for them. My path has lead me to my computer keyboard, hammering away on a Sunday night. Chewing trident white gum with Darth Vader's picture on it because I was thinking of brushing my teeth before sitting down to write. The gum saved not only my teeth and my breath but the time spent on one more distraction. What I'm saying is, there are always excuses and distractions preventing us from getting our art out.  Some come from within others from without. Doesn't matter, some people find the time and energy to get it out there. God help me I'll be damned if I don't continue to attempt to share and shake things up.

Fact is this stuff will go out and it will exist.  Not sure if it will have any effect other than being something that people will scroll over and say, "well he sure did write a lot." It will have an impact and some validity in that respect. But what am I truly trying to say? I guess I believe I can make myself and others happy. I believe in the importance of self expression. I believe in the now forming mythology of the communication revolution taking shape on the internet. I believe that someone somewhere will read this and have a moment of human connection. To me that's pretty damn close to absolute power. I wasn't able to get on stage tonight. I wasn't able to sing a song to you. Still you arrived her in this theater and this was my song.

Preparation

Life is defined by the decisions we make and how we spend our time. Everyday we go through a routine. We wake up, dress, run off to work, get through the day, then home again to start the cycle over again.  We have practiced and engrained behaviors. The daily coffee, tea or latte, the route used in commuting, the satisfaction of clearing email from the inbox, each give moments of pleasure that guide us through each day. The routine follows us like a shadow. Days become years and this eventually amounts to our experience of life. If you are lucky you enjoy everyday, take on new challenges and live life to the fullest. Alternately most become so shackled to their routine time passes by uneventful and unnoticed. One day blends into the next. Obviously the bad habits contained within the routine need to be improved.

One can never be completely on top of all things needed to be done in life. We must adjust moment to moment in relation to the changes in ourselves and the environment. Fine tuning and improvement is always possible as is needed.  Life teaches us. Make the right choices, live better & longer.  The commitment to improving every day leads us to new places.  We arrive there with better habits and an improved routine.

Are you totally fit? Wealthy in all areas of life: emotionally, financially, socially, physically?  Does your job just pays the bills or are you excited about your career? It can be said true happiness comes from the daily pursuit of and overcoming of the obstacles on the road to achieving your goals. Making progress toward and achieving your goals could be considered winning at the game of life.  Life is played one moment, day, month, year, decade at a time.  Like an athlete or an army general if you don't prepare for the challenges ahead you are finished before you even start.

Get ready for the challenges of your week by implementing a new routine, a routine based on preparation. As it is right now your routine of shower and run out the door with just enough time to grab a coffee ain't cutting it. Each day or week of your life can be viewed as a separate event with a distinct beginning middle and end. How much time do you spend each week preparing?   To succeed in the face of challenge depends greatly on preparation. Native skills alone will only get you so far in competitive situations having dynamic circumstances.   a   The race, contest, event are where preparation is tested.  Also there is no more time to prepare once the starting gun sounds.

If you want to make it to the gym after work at minimum you will need to have your tennis shoes and change of athletic clothes.  Taking the clothes shows some preparation whereas booking a class or session with a trainer that you will lose if you don't show takes higher level of commitment and higher level of preparation. Make a plan and stick to it.  Although writing a plan can start out as nothing more than a to-do list, writing a to-do list is not planning.  Writing a to-do list is better than nothing.  However, to plan you must be strategic and willing to make decisions as well as organize your actions.  

Write. Just Write.

Consistently writing may be the best meditative and self explorative process one can engage in. The flow of thoughts and ideas like the experiences in our life, are constantly and continually being evaluated by our consciousness.  Our ability to think and imagine is directly linked to our ability to make sense of the world.   In my experience meditation is great for some people but hard to grasp for many.  The meditative concepts of just sitting and thinking or not thinking or whatever is supposed to happen is to ethereal and ambiguous for most people.  They don’t know how much is enough or if they have even started or if it’s time to finish.  The practicality of it’s use becomes convoluted and mysterious.  So I say write.

Why start writing?  Point blank, the commitment to yourself and to your own mental well being will pay dividends throughout your entire life.  As you type you will begin to see how your mind functions.  The work may seem sad or frustrating at first.  This is an important phase to go through.  You may actually be sad and frustrated and this is manifesting in your work and your ability or inability to put thoughts onto the page.  As you progress and continue with the process you will begin to have some small but surprising breakthroughs.  Eventually you will come to know and befriend yourself and that is the best benefit of all.  

I can’t be sure of how you got to this page and these words but if any of this seems interesting to you and you want a more detailed explanation of the process I’m describing please get a copy of The Artist’s Way by Julia Camron.  The processes described there have been extremely helpful in getting me to the point where I’m willing to confront the idea of writing and thus becoming a writer.

From Julia via the book I learned that what I put onto the page is not as important as the act of sitting down and typing out these words.  The ritual of writing is the meditation and the meditation is the benefit.  The benefit should be realized throughout the other waking hours of my life.  I know there are distractions and judgements and voices that I must learn to ignore.  

Eventually one is able to witness one’s own thoughts as they appear onto the page.  The smoother ones thinking the smoother the flow of words onto the page.  I’m awestruck by the ability of some of the prolific authors to not only amass the sheer volume of words but to make those words make sense to others than themselves.

Thoughts on Rebirth Amnesia

I'm trapped by amnesia.  Everything is great by external appearances.  I have a house and my own vehicle, a beautiful wife and family.  I put on my headphones as music help stop shut out the distraction of the outside world.  Yet every drumbeat seems to jostle my concentration.  It's as if I have something I need to get done but as soon as I sit down to do it I can't remember what I sat down to do.  Then I become hungry.  Immediately after that I become sleepy.  This sad pattern has continued for weeks, months and years.

I know I have a mission because the anxiousness sucks on my consciousness continually like a leech preventing the needed blood flow from reaching my cerebral cortex.  If I could relieve the anxiety and fear that grips me I know I could remember what my mission is.  I have a vague memory (it's more of a feeling) of working on a project to further desires and supply the needs of humanity.  And I know I could provide the help if I could just remember what it was that I'm supposed to do.

So I'm attempting to jog my memory by writing and studying.  I'm diving into every book on ancient history and philosophy and self help I can find.  Music seems to help.  I'm attempting to separate myself from the rest of humanity for at least a few minutes a day.  Because they are all stuck with the same problem as me and their group mentality abhors subversive behavior.  Studying those who have come before feels like a good start and provides clues but this type of investigation moves slowly and is far from enough though.  Additionally I need to keep my body fit and explore methods of preserving my health and extending my life span.  When I do recover from this past life amnesia I'll have some serious work to do.

The other scary thought would be to die without ever getting back on track.  Once you figure out your mission and can get back to the work you were originally programed to do then one can die in peace, knowing the work was forwarded, knowing lives were saved and that this life was not wasted. There is some comfort in the fact that these words are being written and published maybe myself or someone from my team will uncover them later, their relevance only to someone on a similar search in a more hopeful and not so distant future. The other possibility is that these communications get wiped clean.  In which case I'd better work faster.