Strength 19/30

Before I give you the formal dictionary definition of Strength I want to give you my definition. When I think of strength the first thing that comes to mind is steel. Steel is not found in nature rather it is a alloy made through a very specific process of fusing iron and carbon. Steel can bear weight, resists twisting or torsion forces, doesn't compress or deform easily. Basically for it's size, cost and internal composition it holds its shape remarkably well. 

In the most basic sense, to be strong or have strength would mean you can hold up a lot of weight. The Greek mythological figure of Atlas hold the world on his shoulders. Sometimes in life it may feel as if we have the world on our shoulders. That's why being physically strong is so important. When we practice strength by lifting weights we feel physically what it's like to hold up under a load. When it gets really challenging is when the form and technique matter the most. Just like in life when the stress seems like too much to bear we stick to our routine. We hold tight to what got us to where we are. We know what's true and can separate that from what's false.

It's like building a house or fortress. The better the materials and the more precise the construction the stronger the structure. I strongly encourage you to delve into strength training and all of its vast techniques and experiences. You will grow stronger in not only body but mind and spirit. Hone your style and technique. You may never become invincible but you will tap into a force that transcends the physical and gives you super powers. Ever heard of a guy named Super Man? I believe they also called him the man of steel.

Keep it moving 18/30

I'm trying to continue on and follow through with what I have started. Having committed to 30 days of continuous blogging I'm starting to feel tired. This is to be expected I suppose. Passing the point of excitement now the real work begins.

This work should live on a website dedicated to sharing art and insight. How big can I make it? How big does it have to be to fulfill my needs. I'm resistive to bugging people. I'm resistive to being told what to do. So it therefor makes it hard for me to do those things and maybe I don't have to.

Maybe this site will evolve into something cool. Something collaborative. Something greater than the sum of the contributors. Products and services will be found here. I think T-shirts aren't a dumb thing to sell but it has to be done right.

Here's how my day has gone so far:
1.) Woke up to the sun with my sunlight alarm clock
2.) Drank a large glass of water with apple cider vinegar
3.) Meditated on Resistance & Acceptance for 20 minutes
4.) Wrote down my thoughts (here)

Next I need to put some clothes on, brush my teeth, wash my face and get to work.

Today I'd like to accomplish:
1.) Two videos on Earth science from my Courcera course
2.) Call one competitor gym and set a time to stop by
3.) Write my book for 40 minutes uninterrupted
4.) Bench press, bent over row, battle ropes, burpees and rowing machine.

This week I have to:
1.) Tax stuff - ugh I hate this...
2.) Meet with biz partners. This is cool, looking forward to it. Just don't want to put it off further.

Tomorrow Starts Now 17/30

Did you ever wish you could have a do over in life? It usually happens on a Monday when you forget your wallet or your phone on the kitchen counter. If only you had gotten up ten minutes earlier. If only you had been slightly more awake and excited to attack the day. Then you wouldn't have groggily rushed and screwed up your whole morning or day.

I noticed a bunch of people experience this today. Maybe it's an astrological thing, I really wouldn't know, I don't follow or place much importance in that stuff. Still today I know of three people who had issues with their keys; one needed to make new ones, one person took their boyfriends keys (and they don't live together) and a third had to go home to get the second set of keys to their car because their lease was up and they were returning it to the dealership today. Additionally, I had a person cancel an appointment with me today who broke a glass in their kitchen and said they weren't able to make it because there was "glass and supplements" everywhere. Can someone give us a do over?

That's why I live by a simple mantra before I leave the home. "Wallet. Keys. Phone." With those three things I can't be stranded in this modern era. With enough money in my account I suppose I could travel the world with little else. Maybe then I would need wallet, keys, phone and charger but that would be it.

Even though I didn't forget anything today I'm sure I did something wrong. I'm not sure what it is but I wish I could have done better. I want tomorrow to feel the way it's supposed to feel when I'm cranking on all cylinders. Wake, meditate, coffee, write, get to work on time, train a bunch of clients, have a good breakfast, train more clients, study something new, etcetera. I know I can have a great day tomorrow. I'm deciding so now and I'm going to go the extra mile to make sure it happens. Tomorrow starts now.

Attempted Something 16/30

Sometimes I wish I could restart the day even just as it is beginning. As if with some higher level of awareness I would be able to execute everything that much more efficiently. Unfortunately the only way to do that is to go through the whole day and start over next morning.

I'm fighting the resistance. The resistance inside of me that causes friction with reality. I'm seeing this friction manifest itself in many ways. Resistance to how loud some guy is blasting his speakers as he drives by (or to the sirens of police, fire, ambulance, secret service, etcetera). Resistance to the aging of my self and those who I care about. Resistance to the changes in life like starting a family while saving enough money for the future.

With regards to the noise on the streets of New York I've got a couple of solutions. One would be to be a total dork and wear ear plugs. Being a total dork is not an option so that's not really an option. Besides everyone in New York who wears ear plugs seems like they are more resistive to the environment than accepting of it. They aren't that common but they are usually crammed into a subway seat angrily reading the New York Post or Village Voice or Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto.

I added back into my morning routine Bulletproof Coffee. Se recipe below.

Bulletproof Coffee Recipe:
2 Long Pulls of Espresso
1 Tablespoon of Ghee
1 Tablespoon of Coconut Oil

Mix all together and blend in blender for 5-10 seconds. Serve hot.

Neville Island 15/30

The importance of generosity has come to my attention. This includes generosity toward others as well as myself. Succinctly put, if you can't give to yourself you'll never truly give to others. Anyway I'm trying to discover any thing or experience I wanted in life but was unable to have. If I missed anything I would want to try to create that for myself. You know, be generous to little old me. At 38 I feel pretty lucky. I have lived a full life. The things I keep thinking about that I would like to give to myself are actual memories at this point. Not to imply I'm done living or there are no new experiences to have. Rather when I think about what I need or would like to experience, my mind tends to go to times when I was a kid. It was during those times I genuinely longed for experiences.

I was a kid on Neville Island, cloaked in cloud cover trapped between the west side of the Allegheny mountains and the low pressure systems coming off of Lake Erie. The second most cloudy city in the country just behind Seattle I once heard. I remember cool and damp fall days when I could sneak around trailer parks and abandoned industrial sites with new acquaintances before my parents returned from work. It's difficult to explain but low level fear, anxiety and depression hung inside each of us much like the cloud cover over the tristate area. I still have those feelings now when I return to these places in time. The feelings are comforting now, like a silent old friend.

There were bridges, piles of sand, gravel, dirt and broken concrete. The Pittsburgh of my childhood gave the feeling that a lot was happening there but somehow always behind the closed doors of a decaying factory or warehouse. Not a ghost town by any means but almost as if every thing and every one was slightly intoxicated and going through the motions. It was evident we we in a post golden age, the land scorched, stained, wild, apocalyptic.

Invasive vegetation grew up around the unused industrial sites in prehistoric proportions. The world was ours to transform within the boundaries of barbed wire fences and interstate off ramps. We built shacks for privacy, independence and entertainment. We threw rocks and broke glass, we fished and built rafts, we hung rope swings and all drank sweet tea out of the same shared carton.

When I try to imagine what it would be like to give myself everything I always wanted it would look exactly like my childhood on Neville Island in Pennsylvania.

Amniocentesis 14/30

The fire burns inside all of us. Even when nearly extinguished there always exists one spark that can be nurtured back into a raging inferno. I'm still reeling from the news that my unborn son's life may be in jeopardy. My wife and I were flying high, riding the wave of good news and fortune that seems to arise in the wake of a happy courtship, wedding and first year of marriage. Additionally we didn't have much difficulty getting pregnant. We were following our doctors advice and doing the diligent testing at each step of pregnancy. When a genetic test came back informing us that my wife was a carrier of a rare disease the next step was of course for me to get tested as well. 

Mind you I wasn't expecting to come back with some sort of perfectly clean genetic report card. My arms are long enough for a man at least a foot taller than me. I'm pretty sure I'm dyslexic based on how many spelling errors I have while typing this. My sister recently underwent prenatal genetic screening and informed me I was a potential carrier for cystic fibrosis. Basically I expected my genes to come back and have them say it's a miracle you are alive, looks like you are mostly human with a hodgepodge of chimpanzee DNA spliced in all of the gaps. Never in my wildest dreams would I expect my results to come back positive for the exact same thing as my wife!

We were shocked. It was like being slapped in the face and punched in the stomach at the same time. That was two days ago. I have prayed and meditated and slept since then. Additionally this morning we were seen by one of the top genetic doctors in NYC. He performed an Amniocentesis and sent the samples off to be analyzed. At this moment I feel as good as I can under the circumstances. Everything that could be done has been done. Now we have to wait 3 weeks for the results to come back. The only thing we can focus on between then and now is that there is a 75% chance that everything is ok. 

My Prayer 13/30

How fast the thoughts of man run through his universe. From past to present to future in an instant. Covering childhood, analyzing work and relationships, formulating the future. In this moment, here and now expanding infinitely into the future, I pray. I humble myself before the hugeness of existence and experience. Electricity flows through me igniting my vestal and I place a future out there for me and my family. I hope and bend and allow these words to flow through me. Thousands of years manifest in this moment. Genetic lines woven together, beings finding each other in the darkness. A boat on the water with no sail, moved only by the current and witnessed only by moonlight. There up ahead the paths converge. Smaller tributaries join a larger river like capillaries and I give myself over to the flood.

Action 12/30

Expanding the lungs and breathing deep. The practice of life since ancient times. Concerned where we are heading as a race we stand on the precipice of a new era. Technology once used only for improved methods of death and destruction now stands a chance at uniting all of our lives. Jobs will be lost and people will become confused. It may appear there is nothing to do with our time. Distractions and addictions will gain traction as the noise and static increases in volume. We must now individually sit and quiet ourselves and prepare for the coming of the next change.

The climate has shifted and our resources must be conserved. We need intelligent, right minded students of life to pursue lines leading to our salvation. Yes both physically and spiritually. It's easy to conceive of a planet's death or at least physical collapse. Our organism has learned much and survives well in parts while suffers in others. Looking at all life on this planet as a phalanx, many lines in our ranks are damaged, eroded, deformed and scorched.  Only with our conscious effort can we till life back into these strata.

We have the ability to genetically rewire our species as well as the others but can we play creator again before it's too late? I heard once, when you stop doing evil good does itself. What's evil should be obvious to you just as it's obvious to me. Still we see different targets as we are fractured pieces of each other. So look and find what you can see and breathe into it until it disappears and reshapes into what you intended in the first place. Only in silence can we have the noise. Only in pausing can we take action.

Evil Forces at Work 11/30

There is an evil out there cloaked in deception and mystery. Cultish and clandestine, it will present it self in many forms and with many heads. It's goal to attach a tentacle onto you and slowly pull you in where it can attach more and more until you are absorbed into it and then become part of it. You yourself will no longer have autonomy or free will. From that point further you will operate as a tentacle yourself attempting to find others whom you can lure down the sordid path you were duped into following. By the time you notice you are in trouble it's too late.

The sad thing is you will be seduced and tempted by offers of great power. These powers are actually innate and native to yourself and you can uncover them on your own if you choose to genuinely search for them. Even now I'm recovering from an encounter I had with the beast. I'm realizing I need to dig up and unearth more power for myself if I am to continue to withstand other attacks that will inevitably come in the future.

The scary thing is they mask their intentions behind the concept of help. They will talk to you until they get agreement on the above point, help. No right minded person can argue that help is bad or unnecessary in this world. Once they have some agreement the first of the suckers have attached. What's so gross about this is that we all need help and we need each other in this scary world. But help with the intention to take you over and dominate you thoughts for the rest of your life is evil, true mind control and a form of slavery.

Ironically what you hope to gain (freedom) you give up when you become a member of cult claiming to be a church.

Milk Man 11/30

I've got my twentieth high school reunion coming up. That's kind of wild. Here we have the perfect example of time passing and us as human beings not having any awareness of it happening. Right?! I mean life just keeps happening to us in present time. In present time no time has passed. We are always right here in the moment but damn we were kids once. "It seems like yesterday I was your age" we always heard the old folks say.

My grandmother had a metal cooler outside on her steps for the milk man to deliver fresh whole milk. I don't remember the milk man coming and I think he may have stopped even before I was born. Still when I was a kid I could picture some scene from the 1950s where a big truck with round fenders and white wall tires would drive up at the crack of dawn. Some slim man in a white uniform and hat would hop out, open the thin lid and place the fresh cold milk in the cooler.

It's a simple metaphor and (jokes aside about what else this guys job may be to deliver), like the mailman is giving the customer what they need and want. It's a generous service in that the full need is supplied. People needed and wanted fresh milk. It was delivered to them straight from the source every day. Jobs evolve, peoples needs change, the costs to deliver can increase or decrease, products can become obsolete. Whatever happened to the milk man? Well he's a thing of the past just like the steelworker, miner and the farmer.

Sure people still make steel, mine and grow crops but now much much more is produced by machine than the actual hand of man. We can have milk delivered to our door but it may soon come by drone. A lot changes in one lifetime. So I hope to connect with my old high school classmates. We were the first ones to take computers to college. Now we take them everywhere. These laptops in our pockets give so much to us now but at some point they will have to become obsolete. Our kids will say, "You used to carry your phone?! You mean like in your pocket?!" How can I invent the next thing that generously gives as much as the milk man or cellular phone?

Mark Cuban Says Know Your Industry and Follow Through 10/30

Just need to jump right in and run with it. New world, new era, new ideas. Even though this digital way of life has existed for nearly twenty years now for me it's finally sinking in.  Mass communication. I need to learn how to use social media and other platforms more effectively. I need to up my communication with other competitor brands and make them into allies. Our world is so connected it seems strange that we have to try to hide from competition or pretend like it doesn't exist. What if there was reciprocity between fitness facilities? Wouldn't that suggest price stabilization. Is there an app for that?

My mind is racing to piece answers together. We all know we need exercise, it's benefits and advantages. As an owner of a fitness company I would think it would be an easy sell. It seems to me there are way more out of shape people with the income to afford it than there are training clients. I would argue that the hardest part about running my business is getting new people through the door.

I think it's all about communication and perception. If I can communicate the truth about personal training then it should benefit the entire industry. I think that rather than try to build up my brand I should try to build the brand concept of personal training. It's the partnership and accountability that makes it work. There are few people who can get themselves out of bed to exercise by themselves every day for years and years. Just go to any gym and see how busy they are year round.

As of now my idea is such: go and visit other gyms in NYC. Talk to the owners and find out their needs. Then see if there exists any opportunity. Finally develop products and services designed to solve the problems and fill the needs. I've got to have the guts to follow through on what I have discovered and now know needs to be done.

Beach Day 9/30

Going to shoot this out there and then possibly update it throughout the day. Headed to the beach today as it is important to give yourself and family time to play and relax. I know if I don't start to chill out more I'm going to burnout. Actually I'm struggling with a little burn out now - more on that later.

My goal for today, besides chilling is to get this post up. Shoot a video on the beach. Get some exercise in and limit my carbohydrate intake. I know that to truly relax I shouldn't put too many parameters, to-do's or expectations on my day but such is life in my head.

I think I'm going to resolve to just chill and enjoy time with my wife and friends and see what happens. On the back burner are my goals and ambitions for the day. If given enough space and time to relax I'm sure I can approach these things with a sense of play.

Truth Can Be Found 8/30

The night sky envelops the earth in the absence of the sun. The light from countless stars who continually shine on the entire universe become visible. Yet these stars are always there and always shining. They give off light wether we observe them or not. Much like the soul, it's vastness is there wether we observe it or not. Are we not mirrors for the universe, each of us our own universe to explore? This thought has come up many times in the past but not been so clear to me. What like the sun or clouds blinds us from what is always there? Over the years I have explored many different disciplines and styles of spirituality designed in one way or another to clear away those obstructions between reality and our soul. All I can say at this point that I feel has value is this: You must search and seek relentlessly until the truth is laid bare.

Generosity 7/30

What can I tell you? I'm currently doing a 30 day meditation on generosity. Yup it's something I think I need to work on. The first thing to do is develop the ability to be generous with yourself. Basically learn to give yourself what you need and then that will eventually spill over to others. I think that's great and true and will probably happen. The simple act of engaging in twenty minutes of quiet reflection each day has been shown to offer great benefits. By placing a focus on one aspect of life (be more generous) undoubtedly the mind incorporates and filters accordingly. Thus we get what we focus on.

We all have our lenses we look through when perceiving reality. I know I'm good at perceiving myself as an all knowing master of the universe and will go out of my way to avoid situations which would indicate otherwise. In this way I can maintain some level of self respect and self esteem.

But this is what it's all about, right? We have placed ourselves here in the lives we have chosen to have the experience we need to evolve. The Earth and life on this planet are an interesting experiment WE all put into motion some billions of years ago.

It's as if out of nothingness there came a thought - our thought. That thought changed the nothingness into a dualism, a polarity. At that moment the universe began. Boom. That's how big and powerful thought is. This entire universe is thought. So now as humans, manifestations of evolution able to contemplate existence, our thought, collectively, beneath the surface is the understanding that we are each a manifestation of that beginning. Our planet like a hive is swarming with consciousness, a consciousness that has always been there and which exists everywhere unseen. Kinda like "the Force".

Out of infinite nothingness (contemplate that for a moment - infinite nothingness... woah.) a thought occurs. Almost like waking up in the morning. We wake up from what? Where were we while we were sleeping? No one knows for sure but we are there in the void, somehow existing here but still part of this infinite, uncontactable, zero. We all play out this drama every day but without reflection or awareness of the fact. Therefor sadly our thoughts are mundane and rarely of our own imagination or volition. We have thoughts of fleeting wants and desires but they are all tied to this world.

We must each investigate and find for ourselves a way out of the sleep state and fully wake up each day. Meditation and this blog have been mine as of late. I am building my own process of enlightenment. I would encourage you to do the same. Study every world religion, leave no stone unturned. There are answers out there and we must each find our own while at the same time binding together to build a better world here and now. This is what we have come to learn. This is why we are here. Eventually we won't be. None of us. Eventually our sun will burn out or some other event will occur that will exterminate al life on this planet. What will we have learned by then?

Life is a Mystery 6/30

When I look around I'm surprised to see all the things I have created. Literally everything in my environment I have put there. Even New York City I put there in a sense. Yes I put NYC right in front of me by moving here in 2002. I made the conscious choice to be in this environment. It's so interesting how we can come to resent the people, places and things we have created. Things we decided we wanted. It's amazing to hear people who chose to move to New York complain about New York. It's just as easy to move somewhere else and have a totally different environment and circumstances to deal with. You don't like the people, traffic and garbage - leave you powerful creative beings...

I suppose we become tired with certain situations and desire change. When the change doesn't come we feel stuck. Next the stuckness leads to resentment. Still I think to often we throw in the towel and submit to apathy about the whole thing. Why not work and fight to transcend the circumstances we face if even only in a small way. It could start with a deep breath or a moment of reflection and grow into some small action and then full fledged passion for transformation.

Now I'm fanning those embers to turn them into flames. I want the next level (and maybe I'm there now, but I want to secure my position). It's understandable, I may be late to the party and if so then I'd like to arrive fashionably late. Writing as a will to power? I don't think so. Rather this work is supposed to free me up to get to the root of myself and my truth. Why did I come here and work so hard for so long? Why did I give myself all of these tools? Lastly if I can't figure out why, then I'd like to at least make the most of what I have got left.

Here I am in NYC, owner of a business, with a unique viewpoint. There's got to be some value in sharing how this happened - even if only to understand more about the whole thing myself. Thankfully between birth and death we have a few brief moments to reflect on how much mystery and grace we participate in every day. By probing into my experience I hope to produce something authentic and genuine.

Growth, Just Let it Happen 5/30

I want growth: Personally, professionally, financially and spiritually.

Personally I'd like to feel more and more grounded, confident and knowledgable. This sense, state or feeling should arise from me doing more of what I need for me. Research, writing, reflection, staying focused, avoiding distractions, finishing one task at a time, meditating, relaxing, sharing and becoming more generous.

Professionally I need to get out there and share what we are doing well. We need to grow as a team and continually prove what we are capable of accomplishing together. The core values would be leadership, communication, social sharing, networking. Also within the professional category would be my role as a thought leader and speaker. I'd love to connect with other fitness professionals, entrepreneurs, young professionals, dreamers and creatives. It would be a dream to teach to them and speak about my successes and failures.

Financially currently we have enough but much more is needed to thrive into the future. I'll need to provide more and more for my family and business associates. I believe my financial future is tied to my ability to be generous. I think I have a low volume setting in this category sometimes. If I can learn to give more and flow out more I should find ways to further thrive financially.

Last but not least, I need to grow more spiritually. By relaxing into the present, letting go of the past, and allowing the future to arrive one moment at a time I can have all of the above. Spiritual growth comes from wholeheartedly going after every one of the points mentioned above while simultaneously maintaining perspective. It will all happen in it's own time I just need to get out of my own way and let it.

Communication, Drugs & Rock and Roll 4/30

Communication is key as they say and I'm so interested in life these days. I believe it's because I've allowed myself to become curious and investigative again. There are so many things I'm passionate about and would like to accomplish. Communication is key because without the support of others around you it will be very difficult to accomplish what you target.

A few weeks ago I decided to write a book on health, fitness and personal transformation. I now know that what I actually set out to do was communicate and share my experience. Basically let you in on how the process of investigating and writing a self help book is changing me - hopefully for the better.

There are infinite planes of human development and experience and over the years I have delved deep into many. However we must be earnest in our attempts to achieve and experience higher and higher states. If not it's as if we are playing a perpetual game of shoots and ladders. Learn something cool then slip back into old destructive patterns of behavior. I'm finally transcending these old patterns now.

Early in life I overindulged in the pleasures of the physical world - sex, drugs and rock & roll. Woo hoo. The lifestyle is marketed as "cool" and can be fun for a brief moment. Eventually proving itself entirely unrealistic, unsustainable and downright gross. During this party phase I began studying martial arts, meditation, spirituality and yoga. The more I practiced the arts the more I began to turn from chemical induced pleasure to those chemicals that could be produced naturally by the body. Classic exchange of one addiction for another. The feelings I decidedly stopped getting from drugs I was able to create with exercise, the adrenaline of a runner's high, lifting more or sprinting faster. That's bad right?

It depends. I think that rather than replacing addictions we simply evolve into higher levels of sensitivity. It's like being a sommelier. At first we have no pallet for the experience of life then after we have tasted some good and bad we then know the difference between the too. What I think we need to do is not cast out our old ways for fear of them defining us. Rather we should refine our urges and sublimate them into higher states of consciousness. A sommelier doesn't give up wine once she has tasted the best in the world. No she develops her pallet further to be able to differentiate between good and bad. Ultimately we would assume she would then choose something interesting to suit her own tastes.

So rather than get caught up in throwing out the bad to preserve the good I think we need to retain the appearance of being "cool" and or "normal" as we evolve least we alienate those who love and care for us. Don't become some weirdo extremist. Practice daily to separate yourself from the junk of life but then connect and hang with those around you. That way you are sharing the good stuff you have learned without becoming preachy. Simultaneously you test what you have learned and see how you hold up under the challenges of real life. Have a good glass of wine or two with a friend - don't have 6.

There is definitely more to be said here. Maybe some day I will give up all methods of intoxication. For now I'm going togo out and get some exercise. Afterwords I may or may not have a big delicious beer.

Beach Beeotch! 3/30

Went to the beach today. Worked the whole day fixing up our rental cabin there. When I got home and said to my wife, "I'm going to meditate now and do some writing" she gave me grief. "Ugh why do you want to do that," she complained.

Well it's tough and too bad. Because I'm here to stick to my guns and follow through on what I said I would do. I know who I am now and who I want to become. I've backed down and readjusted and honed and restarted and failed and restarted one thousand times. Now I'm simply not fucking backing down.* I know what needs to be done and I go and do it. I don't back down even when I'm beaten, intimidated and confused. I get back up and put thought into action.

Today I got up at 7:30AM - on Saturday. Tried to catch the cross town bus to 11th avenue but it never came. Found out the MTA was on a holiday schedule. So I hopped a cab to the BMW dealership where my vehicle was being serviced. The only reason it went in was because it (the vehicle) sent and email to BMW saying that it needed to be serviced. I pick the car up. Drive home and load it up for the beach. Then drive to my business to pick up tools and a refrigerator. Then my wife and I drive to the beach. However on the way there we stop at Home Depot and buy some particle board to put down on the floor of our cabin. Gittin' shit done!

We then drive to the beach club and I set to go to work. I cut and laid down particle board sub-flooring then put down linoleum tile on top. Spent maybe six hours working on my hands and knees today. My back hurts. Didn't go to the beach at all. Still, I'm having fun the whole time, drinking beers and enjoying the day! After I drive home and we take a taxi back to our apartment the time is 10:00PM. Tomorrow we have plans with the family.

So I just got in 10 minutes of meditation and wrote this blog to publish. I did my duty for today. I'm chalking it up as a win.

*That's actually how I have rolled for some time now. I made up my mind to go to Alaska and work for the summer back in 1998 and I've never looked back. Still shit gets real every now and again.

My Experiment Continues 2/30

I haven't been able to wrap my mind around it until now. It seems illusive and difficult to nail down as to how and why we are supposed to use these digital-social platforms. I now know (for me) the purpose is to include the world in my own exploration. "The world" is used loosely as no one is reading this right now. However there is power in allowing yourself to be viewed as you go through a process of transformation. There's a key component of accountability. I also think some healthy social restraint is placed on me as the writer. This means rather than say "fuck" one thousand times, I actually consider the words I'm using before I hit the button to publish.

I could scream and YELL but that's not how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm carefully watching myself, showing up and putting the words on the page. It's liberating to know at the time of this writing very, very few are reading this. I have known for some years the importance of finding the feelings I am now uncovering. My tendency has been to bury them once uncovered usually with drugs and alcohol.

I have put myself through detoxification programs on three separate occasions only to come away feeling like I never needed them in the first place. You see the problem is not with the drugs, alcohol or even prescribed medications. The problem is the fear within my soul to connect with others and to maintain that connection. What I have yearned for in those weaker moments was the escape into myself that I am now finding. The bizarre thing is that that freedom and escape into the self is something happening by laying my inner world bare for others to potentially see.

Day 1 of more

I'm going to blog every day for the next 30 days. That may be a lie as there is a possibility that I may not get to it every day. Watch and learn for yourself how full of shit I am! There's a lot right and wrong with the world. One of the right things is that this platform exists. I'd like to share more right stuff with you. I know about health and fitness and goal setting. I know about jumping into the deep end and being blessed by the process. I'll tell you to fuck the status quo only to caution you about burning bridges.

Today I'm on a commercial shoot for a company called Viacore. They save umbilical cord blood to help with the future health of your child. Not sure how it works but definitely interesting. Product details aside the cool thing is I'm on a shoot. I got hired. Today I'm a working actor. There are plenty of people with more talent than me that don't work as much as I do. There are plenty of people with less talent who do way more than I do. My point is that after 14 years in New York City I'm still at it.

I've found a niche, albeit a small one. I'm not finished exploiting and exploring it. Where did this career come from? How did I get here? This is all valuable information. Have I got your attention yet? Well it doesn't really matter because for me this is an experiment. Just like any practice that I have engaged in in the past I'm seeking to be changed by the process. I'm happy to share everything I have learned with you. However my sincere hope is that together we can move the needle.

As I've hinted at I've done a lot of stuff and been pretty lucky with how things have turned hot. Maybe because I first started down the dark side I now appreciate the more banal yet pleasant and pleasing light. Now I'm throwing down the gauntlet for myself. I know I need to put out content and I want it to be of value to you. I think I struggled with the format and presentation for some time and now I understand how to do it continually and at a quality level I'm happy with. So here's the deal: I'm going to blog here every day for a month. I'm going to upload support videos to YouTube - yup one every day to accompany the blog. All the while I'll be working on my book and building my business.

Welcome to my world I look forward to learning more about yours. Let's do something cool together.